SHWI Getaway III: This Time it's Personal

So once again I have returned from the SHWI Getaway. I am writing my account of the weekend from my sofa, curtains closed on the beautiful sunny day outside, swaddled in my classy brown  dressing gown and jogging bottoms, RuPaul’s Drag Race soothingly providing the background noise, a Square crisp sandwich and a can of Diet Coke on the table in front of me. Basically, this year, rather than trying to recreate the atmosphere of the weekend through words, I am stubbornly refusing to believe that I am not in Currer Laithe and am actually attempting to physically re-enact farm life. I think I’m doing pretty well. I have the comfy clothes, hangover beverage, ‘nutritious’ food sources and a load of beautiful cross-dressers in my eye-line (more of which to come)...

Photo by Seven Hills WI

As usual, Friday night was pot luck buffet night. As usual, there was too much food. And as usual it was fitness personified. I hope you don’t think I’m being a bit blasé in skimping on my description of a SHWI pot luck supper, because as we know, there ain’t no buffet like a SHWI-made buffet (slogan copyright A. Pilson, SHWI Getaway 2 blog post, 2014). However, if I start raving about every dish, I’ll never stop! Suffice to say, we had enough left over for Carolyne and Tebble’s Patented Packed Lunches the next day. So what of the evening’s entertainment? Well, as usual, ice-breaker games took place, as usual they were, er, revelatory and as usual, I will decline to divulge any further information and move swiftly on…

The gang at the Bronte Parsonage

 A rainy Saturday saw us heading back to Haworth and revisiting the Bronte Parsonage for a talk and walk. Despite having visited the Parsonage on our first Getaway, we heard a completely original talk on the Bronte family, thanks to the fantastically knowledgeable and enthusiastic staff member who led our activities. We enjoyed listening to tales of the lives and personalities of each of the Bronte family, as well as discussing our perceptions of the picture sources in the presentation and I personally was chuffed to drool over the Lord Byron pics. He kind of reminds me of a cross between Mr Darcy, Henry Cavill and Michael Fassbender...sigh. Anyway, I digress. By the time we had finished our talk, the drizzle had done one and we were able to enjoy a guided walking tour of the village, taking in some of the Brontes’ favourite haunts. These included the spot where Charlotte used to secretly rendez-vous with her future husband Arthur Bell Nicholls, who was initially perceived as undesirably too low-class a match for Charlotte. A little like Charlotte’s most famous heroine, Jane Eyre, and Mr Rochester but in reverse, if you will.

Photo by Ellie Last

 Whilst I would love to continue with my literary musings further, alas I must revert to detailing the weekend. Although, I’d just like to point out that if we accept that Kirsty is SHWI’s own amalgamation of Michael Winner and Jay Rayner due to her take-no-prisoners judging role on the Great British Menu (and swarthy good looks, of course), then through that critique I must SURELY qualify as our own Mark Kermode? What with my retro (i.e. dated) hairdo and dead good knowledge of films and that. DISCLAIMER: I was going to compare myself to one of the world’s premiere literary critics, but, erm, I couldn’t think of one, so I turned to my trusty pal Google. That came up with the name Salvatore Quasimodo and I just couldn’t see ANY similarities between me and that namesake AT ALL. AND NEITHER CAN ANY OF YOU, ALRIGHT? AND YES, I’M AWARE THAT JANE EYRE IS A BOOK BUT THERE HAVE BEEN ABOUT 20 MILLION FILM VERSIONS OF THE VARIOUS BRONTE WORKS, SO I CAN GET AWAY WITH LINKING IT TO CINEMA, OK? Phew, glad we got that straight.

Now where were we? Ah yes, Saturday night… Our fancy dress theme for this year was men. Yeah, you read it correctly, men. I mean, given that this year has been all about celebrating the wonders of sisterhood through the WI centenary, it seemed only right that we acknowledged that men have done some decent stuff too - through the respectful medium of drag, naturally. And who’d have thought given the delicate femininity that exudes from the pores of every SHWI member (moi especially), that we’d make such HOT blokes? We had historical hunks (Thor), geektastic guys (Einstein), movie men (Rambo, Garth Algar and Frank N Furter), literary lads (the Bard himself), AND (tenuous phonics alert) tuneful chaps (The King, Freddie Mercury, Conchita Wurst, Adam Ant), televisual todger-owners - GROAN, jeez Pilson – (including the Hoff, Father Ted Crilly, Marcus Wareing, Michael O’Hare, 118 man, Richard O’Brien) and, OF COURSE, no evening would be complete without a sexy drag mermaid.
 

Photo by Ellie Last

Saturday night proved to be a potentially life-changing experience for me. Firstly I immediately began to question my sexuality when I saw Grace’s ruff (snigger). Honestly, who knew Shakespeare was so damn shexy? (Imagine this said in Sean Connery voice and then the spelling makes sense, honest guv). But it must be stated, I was certainly not the only one to find my hormones pulsing in a most unexpected manner. In fact, it turned out that I, as Marcus Wareing, was responsible for most of the, er, ‘confusion’ felt by some of the ladies. Look, I’ll be blunt – it turns out I am one damn fine specimen of manhood. Who’d have thought during all these years of waging a constant battle against my body hair, that if I’d just let it grow to its hirsute heart’s content I’d have been a STUD? All I can say is I’ve never felt more like myself than when wearing chef whites, having a face-full of stubble and bellowing in my best angry Cockney accent. Sigh…

Grace and Sam the sheep dog - Photo by Ellie Last

 Once again, I’m afraid I cannot reveal any more of the night’s shenanigans, so I shall move onto Sunday (but I’ve got to just say: Holly, Tebble, Corinne - Marcus enjoyed your moves). The order of the day was a lazy morning for some, a trip to Saltaire for others and some serious veg prep for the rest. This toil resulted in a once-again EPIC Sunday roast, with particular props going to the team for the care taken to cater for us veggies, many thanks. This year quite a few people had to depart on
the Sunday evening, leaving a small group of us to enjoy a quiet evening of reflection. By which of course I mean we caned the Singstar for approximately 5 hours. We discovered that most people had fairly decent pipes on them, that Zoe is now probably addicted to karaoke and that pretty much any song can be improved if performed in an angry Cockney or jaunty German accent…

So Monday arrived and due to clock-change confusion, we ended up leaving mega-early. But it’s probably for the best given that every year it gets harder to leave. For serious, man. So once again HUGE thanks to Kirsty and Grace for their organisation skills and thanks to all the ladies (and gents) for their fantastic company. I feel massively privileged to have been lucky enough to attend all 3 Getaways so far and feel that I should probably be magnanimous enough in 2016 to stand back and let others attend. HAAAAAAAA! AS IF! Roll on Getaway 4! Because, to be honest, the fact that I have to be female to attend the SHWI Getaway is pretty much the only thing stopping me hotfooting it to Tijuana to get the op to turn into Marcus full time…

Photo by Laura Bainbridge

By Anna Pilson
Committee Member

SHWI Getaway: The Sequel

I’m writing this post from the loneliness of my sofa. It feels weird, no, in fact WRONG not to be surrounded by a bevvy of SHWI beauties. Once again, I’ve left my heart in Keighley! 

Currer Laithe Farm

I’ve just arrived home from SHWI Getaway: the sequel. The thing is about sequels is that they rarely live up to the original (except for Grease 2, of course which is AWESOME and I shall not have a word said against it!) So, after last year’s escapades, which can be revisited here, how was a return visit to Currer Laithe going to pan out? Was it going to cut the mustard (or, homemade chutney?) Was it going to be an unfortunate cringe-fest of epic proportions a la Sex and the City 2? Or was it going to be a legendary, action-packed thriller in the mould of Terminator 2 (only HOPEFULLY without the molten metal, shape-shifting cyborgs)? 

Well, I’m here to tell the tale (just) and while there were certainly a few incidents that would make even Samantha Jones blush, I’m chuffed to announce that SHWI Getaway 2 was a resounding success! As last year, the convoy of SHWI-ers arrived at Currer Laithe farm just outside of Keighley on Friday evening anticipating the Pot Luck Buffet that awaited them, managing en masse to avoid the hideous fate of pushing cars up Cobbled Hill of Doom (I think I need to trademark that name). The weather was kind to us but the roaring fire, courtesy of firestarters-extraordinaire Julie and Cat, was a welcome sight, as we all settled into our rooms and pondered the sensible evening of quiet reflection and polite conversation that was surely to follow (!!!) The buffet was IMMENSE as ever, and I think I speak for all when I give a special shout out to Di’s terrine, Corinne’s Aero traybake and Carolyne’s breads for providing ultimate culinary fitness. Ain’t no buffet like a SHWI-made buffet. Word.

The first night was all about getting to know each other and the ice-breaker games were nothing if not slightly revelatory. I think it’s fair to say that we all went to bed feeling that we had made new friends, and even those who were old friends definitely became more, er, intimate, as there were a few stories that made us QUAIL (sorry, readers, Getaway in-joke alert). But, onto Saturday. 

We headed into Saltaire to visit its Salts Mill complex and wander about the town. It was a very relaxed day and people wandered in groups finding activities to suit their own tastes. Some people visited the David Hockney exhibition, some trawled the vintage shops, some went to partake in milkshake heaven, some went in search of beer kegs and some bankrupted themselves in the frankly marvellous book shop. We all also enjoyed a fantabulous packed lunch constructed from Friday night’s leftovers by Anna T and Carolyne. Us SHWI-ers love many things (one in particular, as the Getaway go-ers know), but we do hate waste, so thank you again ladies for this. This was much-appreciated after a hard morning’s browsing and lined our stomachs nicely before heading to Fanny’s Ale House. There we met several lovely ladies from Saltaire WI and spent a couple of hours spreading the WI love over an ale or two. We do love a bit of bonding.

SHWI meets Saltaire WI

All too soon it was back to the house to prepare for our fancy dress pizza party. This year’s theme was ‘female characters from film, TV or literature’ and only myself and Jen could manage with a category this wide to come as the same person! However, we were both happy as it goes to show that great minds dress alike! So, who did we have this year? We had literary lovelies (Hermione Granger and The Owl and the Pussycat), animated awesomeness (Tank Girl, Kiki, Marge Simpson, Leela, Velma), TV titans (Joan Holloway, Wednesday Addams and Leslie Knope) and filmic femmes fatales (Mrs Mia Wallace, Dorothy, Frenchie, Sarah Tobias, Viane Rocher and of course Lydia Deetz x2, which I think proves that Beetlejuice is one of the best films EVER and should be watched IMMEDIATELY by all SHWI-ers). 

Fancy dress night

As with last year, I’m afraid I can’t divulge any more about the evening’s shenanigans, but I will say that a few important lessons were learned: that Jen makes a mean Prosecco punch, that we can’t eat as much pizza as we previously thought , that I now know Brook and Grace rather better than I did before, and that Carly is one HARD taskmaster…

Sunday was a day of recuperation, with some folks blazing a trail round the farm and its neighbouring footpaths, others staying behind to prep for the Sunday lunch of epicness that was to follow, and others (i.e. me) put on tea-making and dancing duties (really) so as not to cause havoc anywhere near the kitchen. We all convened to sample the feast of wonder at 2pm, as some people sadly had to leave on the Sunday night. Surely it should be written into every SHWI-er’s employment contract from now on that time off for the Getaway is a non-negotiable basic human right? Not sure how the catering team managed it, but I think it’s fair to say that this year’s effort surpassed last year’s. Grace’s Yorkshires were a triumph, Julie showed mad skillz (chest thump) in pimping the packet stuffing, the roast squash was simply ambrosial and I’m just going to have to observe a reverential silence of wonder as I recall Di’s leeks… sigh.

Awesome Sunday lunch

Dinner was followed by a chilled out evening of crochet, reading and chat, lubricated by leftover booze, tea and homemade bread and butter, jam and Nutella pudding (oh, yes, we went there). Or at least this would have been the case had we not switched on Absolute Radio Gold and got a bit overexcited by Ace of Base and Shed Seven, and had we not then gotten out the Taboo (the board game, not the spirit, although to be fair that wouldn’t have gone amiss). A hard-fought battle left Team A overall victors (boooooooo), but special mention must be given to Zoe’s talent in both guessing (Di: ‘It could be a man or a women and is present during…’ Zoe (interrupting):‘midwife?’ Di: ‘YES!’ Everyone else: sound of jaws hitting floor) and describing (‘hard egg on a cake’. Answer: meringue and yes, Bainbridge guessed it correctly from that clue!)

Anna learns to crochet from Sarah

And again, Monday arrived like a slap in the face. But unlike last year, I am not in a deep chasm of depression. This is because when Kirsty and Grace went to hand in the keys, the ladies who own the farm asked if they wanted to pencil in dates for next year! No brainer! SHWI Getaway the Third WILL occur! Roll on 2015, only 362 days to wait! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to Kirsty and Grace from us all for all of your hard work organising the weekend, we are forever indebted to you both. But, seeing as you are so good at organising these things, when are you going to start organising a commune for us all to live on?!

Anna Pilson

SHWI Committee Member